I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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