How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
