i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no more duck duck goose at the bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
