when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
