Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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