i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
