haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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