he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
