he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
