I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
barbara walters just said penis...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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