I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
