what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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