I just threw up on my dentist
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
