I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
