Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
