tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
