Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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