Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
