Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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