I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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