I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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