You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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