I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
