Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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