Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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