I just pynch a tree in the face
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
