Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
