Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
