You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bring money and cleavage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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