I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
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I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
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Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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