i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Couch. On fire.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
