Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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