u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
