im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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