I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
