I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
