I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize