hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
