she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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