Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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