That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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