He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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