Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
