We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
