he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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