Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
