Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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