Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
