my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
