Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
wow bdsm is so cute
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