She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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