There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
