you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just blew my weed a kiss
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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