Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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