The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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