Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A+ Viking dick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
