So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
