Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
