I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
