Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
