Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
