I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
