I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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