I got her a Nickelback box set.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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