Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
