Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
